Alright, Punxsutawney...let's talk.

I understand the importance of furry woodland creatures in local ceremonies, folklore, and the like. I can even open my mind to the modern day reenactment of Celtic pagan festivals centering around the change in seasons.

But do you people know what you've spawned? For about an hour, once annually, your town becomes the gravitational center of this country's media, and for what? A member of genus Marmota, species monax? A squirrely cousin who comes out of a stump, sniffs around, and has 14 guys in tuxedos hold him for photo ops? SERIOUSLY?!?!?!

This is why Americans are not taken seriously abroad.

I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if worthless news networks (read: well, you draw your own conclusions) were the only ones reporting this. The real shame is that stand-up sources like CNN and NPR feel the need to put their own (notably more intellectual and quirky) style on the events of your town's one-hit wonder.

I think the only thing that would make me angrier about this whole charade would be the publicity stunt protest by PETA, whose members would roll on the ground covered in pig's fat and grape jelly, moaning and singing "We Shall Overcome" in honor of their sciurid bretheren.

However, in your defense, your crazy antics did give us Bill Murray's Groundhog Day. Thanks for that.